Sucker-Punch
by Leafey
Summary: New Moon Au. When Bella jumps, Victoria catches her. Instead of killing Edward's mate, she changes her. Ten years later they run into the Cullens. Sparks fly.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer. . .Not mine, obviously

Sucker-Punch

Longing

I longed for the familiarity of the desert. For endless stretches of sky and sand, and sunsets painted crimson, amethyst, and vibrant tangerine. I longed to feel the heat on my frozen skin, and the hot, red sand beneath my bare feet. So we went to New Mexico.

Victoria stole a car; a black Toyota 4runner with leather interior, and we drove through the night. We rolled the windows down and opened the sunroof and the wind whipped through our hair. We listened to a symphony on the radio, and when the station was out of range I put in a mixed CD of nineties music, and we laughed and laughed.

We pulled over on a stretch of desolate highway and left the keys in the ignition as we sprinted out over the sand, the inky night with its' brilliant starscape and cacti becoming a blur around us. When the sun rose over a mountain range, the ruby-red glow touched our skin, casting prisms of multi-colored dotted lights on the rocks around us. It felt like home and looked like heaven, but I wasn't satisfied.

"Maybe you should hunt again," Victoria suggested, catching my frown.

She was laying down, her hair like a flame fanned out against the dirt, and reached up above her head, examining her hand which sparkled in the sliver of sunlight.

"No," I said listlessly, watching a scorpion scramble over a rock. "I'm still full."

The blood of the large cat we'd consumed two days ago still sloshed in my stomach. She knew I wasn't thirsty. I eased down on the sand beside her and her hand found mine. She squeezed and yanked me closer so our heads were touching, and we stared at the azure sky. It wasn't sexual, but my relationship with Victoria was the closest and most intimate that I could remember. She was part sister, part aunt, and always had my back.

After the burning, it didn't take long for me to realize the boundless loyalty Victoria was capable of. I understood now, as a vampire, her anguish from losing James and Laurent, and her need for revenge.

My human memories were present but unclear, not unlike a dream. I remembered my parents, of course, but they were more along the lines of general impressions, the details lost in my transition to immortality. My father was the chief of police in a small town. I remember his home as the derelict dwelling of a bachelor; full of mismatched furniture and fishing gear. I wondered if he still lived there after the ten years I'd been gone.

My mother's memory was even less clear, and I strained to remember her at all. I knew that she had been free-spirited and undisciplined. At times irresponsible. I'd never called her 'mom' when discussing her with other people. I remember Arizona, and I remember leaving the warmth and moving to Forks.

My memories of Forks are vivid for mortal recollections. I know it is because of _him_. I remember all of them, really, and it still _hurts_. He had abandoned me, left me vulnerable and alone, and I knew it was because he'd never loved me. I wasn't good enough. Weak, human, boring, a distraction. '_I'm only sorry I let this go on so long.'_ The words spoken in the woods a decade earlier still caused me physical pain to remember.

Too often I wondered about him and his family, always terrified and curious in equal measure about what would happen if and when we crossed each other's paths. Would he be pleased that I was a vampire, furious, or worst of all; indifferent? Did he ever think of me? Did he even remember me? '_You're not good for me, Bella. You've been a distraction.'_

Victoria had actually hissed when I told her his last words to me. She petted my hair and made shooshing noises while I sobbed tearless cries. He had been my mate as surely as James had been hers, and we were bonded by our mutual loss. I wondered if it was possible for only one party to feel the full weight of the bond between mates, while the other could be cruelly indifferent. We'd had several long discussions about the possibility, but hadn't drawn any firm conclusions.

We had met others of our kind while we traveled, and some of them were mated. Their bond seemed impenetrable; a force so fixed that it almost had its own orbit and gravitational pull. I understood this feeling. Even as a human, this had been my lot where Edward Cullen was concerned. The ache in my sternum expanded when I thought his name.

I knew now, with the benefit of hindsight, why he wouldn't consider giving me this life. He had never loved me and didn't want me. As a vampire, you were responsible for your creations. Newborns needed to be taught constraint and control, lest they kill too conspicuously and run afoul of the Volturi.

Of course, this had never applied to me; my gift as a shield gave me excellent self-control. I'd never tasted human blood.

Victoria had laughed at me when I refused to hunt with her but had taken me to find an elk anyway, and after a year I managed to convert her to 'vegetarianism.' I remember the Cullens telling me that this diet meant a more civilized lifestyle, and they had been right. It meant that we could blend in with humans more easily and stay in one place longer. We didn't have to avoid civilization until we were thirsty.

We could go to movies and museums and art galleries. We could go to Paris and walk along the Seine without our bloodlust getting the better of us. We could move through the streets of Rio for Carnivale, and dance and laugh.

We had been traveling for the last eighteen months, and it had been _glorious_. We had gone to Instanbul, Barcelona, and Crete for the last leg of our trip, before coming back to the US. We avoided New York, the last place I had heard the Cullens were, and had flown into the south.

"We should go shopping," Victoria said after several moments of silence. "We're in desperate need."

I sighed.

I was pretty sure I'd hated shopping even in my first life, but I had to admit she was probably right. Being immortal could be hard on clothing. I looked down at my bare feet and tattered denim shorts I was wearing.

"Yeah," I conceded. "You're probably right. Anywhere, in particular, you want to go?"

She looked at me, something I couldn't quite place behind her amber eyes.

"Seattle," she finally said, and I went totally still.

As a rule, I avoided the Pacific Northwest. I had only been a vampire for ten years and there was a risk that I would run into someone who knew me during my time as a human. That, and the memories of the man I still loved, and his family who I had wanted to join. The love I had for them all combined, which had laid waste to the girl I was, had driven me to jump off of a cliff.

"We don't have to," she hastened to say. "I was just thinking it might bring you some closure. We could even visit Forks if we're careful. I hate seeing you like this…"

I smiled sadly at her. It had been almost as hard on her as it had on me. As unappealing as it sounded, maybe she was right. I had tried to run from the memories and it didn't help. Maybe facing it was the only way to move past it.

"Sure," I said. "It might be cathartic. We'd have to be careful though."

"That's doable," she grinned. "I _am_ very good at avoiding detection."

We ran up the coastline, along the 101. We stopped in Cannon Beach and collected seashells near Haystack Rock. Victoria had never seen The Goonies, so we got a room for the night and watched it. We walked around town the next day and bought overpriced jeans, blouses, boots, and Victoria talked me into a gauzy white dress that dragged along the ground and made me look otherworldly.

"You should say goodbye to your ghosts in style," she advised.

I rolled my eyes and let the saleswoman drape a jean jacket over my shoulders to 'dress it down.'

We walked to Portland and bought a car; a silver BMW that I thought was a waste of money but Tori loved. We drove to Port Angeles and got a room that overlooked the water.

"This is where it happened?" she asked in the alleyway where Edward Cullen had saved my virtue and probably my life.

"This is it," I said glumly, looking around. "It looks different now."

"Things from your human life will," she said, slinging an arm around my shoulders.

We walked to the restaurant where I'd eaten mushroom ravioli. It didn't open until dinner, so we stood on the sidewalk, just staring at it.

I could see our reflections in the window. We were both preternaturally beautiful. Vampirism had a way of taking your best features and enhancing them into something magnificent and deadly. Victoria's hair was impossibly red, hanging almost to her waist in perfect ringlets. Her skin was alabaster porcelain, with a dusting of fine freckles over the bridge of her nose. My own image didn't leave anything to be desired either. I was too thin, in my opinion, but that was the only thing I could fault. I'd lost too much weight in the months leading up to my change, which left me looking willowy and svelt for the rest of eternity. My own hair was smooth dark waves that cut off under my breasts, my gold eyes framed with dark lashes.

"Being a vampire has its advantages," Victoria whispered, seeing my expression in the glass.

"It does," I agreed. I'd never been vain in my human life, but I had to admit that immortality suited me.

We left the BMW at the hotel and ran to Forks. I wore the white dress, which billowed behind me in the forest. Victoria laughed and told me I reminded her of a wood nymph.

You really can't go home again. My subconscious regurgitated a dim human memory of Thomas Wolfe's 1934 novel. You can go back, but nothing will be the same, and it was true. The thought made the gnawing ache in my chest pulse with pain. Forks was different and achingly similar all at once. I had to remind myself that this was good for me. This could help me heal. Even if I would always love him, even if I could never love anyone else, I didn't need to live in acute pain for the rest of eternity.

We crept through the woods to my old house and watched it from the treeline. It was vacant, and I while couldn't imagine where Charlie had gone, it was clear that he hadn't been here in some time. The roof needed repairing and an old pair of boots sat outside the sliding glass door. The window to my old room was darkened, and I was tempted to scale the house and climb in, but the memory of _him_ doing just that for so many nights before deciding he never wanted to again, stopped me.

Sensing my reticence, Victoria pulled me away and into the woods once more. I rested my head on her chest and shuddered, yearning to cry. I wished I could see Jake, but we were now mortal enemies. Besides that, he probably thought I was dead. If I had learned anything from my maker, it was that my human life was best left in the past.

We wandered through the forest for an hour, and Victoria expressed a desire to hunt before we left the area. I nodded distractedly, and thought about looking for the Cullens old house, but couldn't bring myself to do it. I wasn't a masochist. There was one other place that I would feel Edward's presence, though. One perfect place to say goodbye.

"A meadow?" she asked, surprised.

"We spent time there," I explained. "It was _significant_. To _me_, at least. But I'm not sure I can find it again."

"Well," she sighed with the air of someone long-patient. "We _do_ have nothing but time."

As it happens, we found it fairly quickly. We came up and out of the cloud bank, and I could swear I caught his scent, spicy and sweet, on the air. The ghost of Edward Cullen was nearby.

"You go on ahead," Victoria whispered. "I think I smelled some deer nearby."

She nudged me towards the clearing and disappeared into the woods.

There was something beautiful and cleansing about suffering, but I couldn't remember what. As a human, I hadn't accurately understood how beautiful our little meadow was. Bluebells, honeysuckle and Queen Anne's lace dotted the grassy sea. The sunlight sliced through the clouds and bathed the meadow in the creamy yellow light of late spring.

The white dress caught on the long tails of crabgrass as I waded into the middle, my hands outstretched, palms down. I closed my eyes. His scent pervaded my imagination.

'Goodbye, Edward,' I thought, and even as the thought crossed my mind, my eyes snapped open.

The sound of a twig breaking had me on high alert. I wasn't alone. There he was, perfectly still, on the other side of our meadow. He looked so much the same, and yet so different through my new eyes.

The ghost of Edward Cullen stared at me. Funnily enough, he looked just as surprised to see me as I was to see him. I wondered if vampires could hallucinate, but clearly, they could. Suddenly, I knew that I had made a hideous mistake in coming here. I would never, _could_ never, forget Edward or the Cullens, and whatever their feelings had been towards me, I loved them still.

"Bella?" said the specter, disbelievingly.

I blinked. Once, twice, three times, and I fled.


	2. Chapter 2

Authors Notes: Thank you, dear readers, to everyone who favorited, followed, and reviewed this story. Your feedback means the world:)

**Chapter** **two**

The woods flew past me. I had to get out of there, fast. I was fairly sure Edward's ghost was following me. I picked up Victoria's floral fragrance and then the scent of something else. Other vampires. More than two, but beyond that, I couldn't distinguish how many.

Coming across others of our kind wasn't necessarily a cause for alarm, however, if we were encroaching on their territory things could get ugly. I followed Victoria's familiar scent at full speed. I had always been fast; a skill I now put to good use.

I heard them before I saw them.

"You killed her!" a blonde female was shrieking. "Do you know what it did to my brother, to our family?! Do you care?!"

Victoria was cornered against a wall of rock, a dead doe between her and the other vampires. There were six of them; three females and three males. It was easily the largest coven I had ever seen, and we were grossly outnumbered. With one smooth movement, I vaulted my body, the trees sailing past me in an evergreen blur, and landed between Tori and the others in a defensive crouch.

Time stopped.

My mouth opened and closed soundlessly several times. I was facing the very vampires who had been plaguing my thoughts for days. For their part, the Cullens looked equally shocked.

They shouldn't be here. There was no reason for them to come back so soon, they hadn't been gone long enough. But they were here. I felt the tension drain out of my body and drew myself up to my full height. For all their shortcomings where I had been concerned, I didn't believe they would kill us in cold blood.

Alice pushed her way passed Jasper, who grabbed her wrist, restraining her from going further. She looked the same. Her short, spiky black hair, the same heart-shaped face, her amber eyes blown wide with shock.

"Bella?!" she asked incredulously.

"Alice," I said, still somewhat dazed by her sudden reappearance into my life. "Um, hello."

My eyes darted to the other faces. Carlisle was staring at me as though he were the one seeing ghosts that day. Rosalie's mouth hung open unattractively.

"How?" Alice said, obviously not over the shock. "_How_?!"

"You know Tori, of course," I said, gesturing to Victoria.

Victoria reached out and I instinctively interlaced her fingers into my own. Her body vibrated with tension. I knew that the Cullens weren't a direct threat, but I was sure she had different ideas.

"_Tori_?!" came Emmett's outraged exclamation. "You...and her.. You mean the two of you...are _friends_?!"

I gave him a withering glare. "She's my maker _and_ my sister," I said defensively, gripping her hand even tighter with my own.

"Bella," said a soft voice. It was Esme, I realized, who had spoken this time. Her hand was linked with Carlisle's and she was staring at me with round eyes. "Darling, we thought you were _dead. _Alice saw you jump…"

I swallowed. Esme looked so lovely, so motherly and kind, that my heart ached. "Tori pulled me out of the water," I admitted after a moment. "She changed me."

"But why didn't I see?!" wailed Alice, clearly distressed. "Your body was never found, and I looked! I _still_ look sometimes!"

I opened my mouth to respond, to explain, but at that moment Edward Cullen entered the fray. My stomach dropped unpleasantly. There was a buzzing in my ears. He wasn't a ghost after all. In much the way I had only moments before, he jumped into the clearing, landing steps away from Carlisle. He was more handsome then I remembered, and I felt Victoria's low growl.

He ignored her, his eyes fixed on me disbelievingly. He took a half step forward.

"My God," he breathed. "Bella?!"

"Hi," I said weakly.

"How?" he asked, his voice full of wonder. "How is this possible?"

Carlisle chose that moment to find his voice, his hand coming to rest on Edward's shoulder.

"Bella," he said warmly. "I think we all mean to say that we're very happy, and _surprised_, to find alive and well. Perhaps we can move this conversation to a more comfortable location. Would you like to come to our house?"

I chanced a glance at Victoria who looked like she would rather take on the Volturi single-handed then go anywhere with the Cullens.

"You would both be welcome, of course," Carlisle hastened to say. "I give you my word that neither of you will come to harm."

I squeezed Tori's hand, trying to convey my trust in Carlisle's word. She nodded almost imperceptibly.

"Okay, sure," I said with more confidence than I felt.

Victoria didn't release my hand the whole time we walked to the Cullen's. I knew she was doing this for my benefit and I resolved to buy her a present. Alice fell into step on my other side, not speaking, but also not giving Edward an opportunity to speak to _me_.

He'd seemed so genuinely _shocked_ to see me. I wasn't aware that Alice had seen me jump from the cliff in La Push, or that they thought me dead all these years because of it. It occurred to me that they must have believed I was committing suicide. While the thought had certainly crossed my mind during those long and terrible months after Edward left me, it wasn't exactly what I'd been doing. He must feel horribly guilty. I would. Even if I didn't love someone, it would kill me if they committed suicide because I broke up with them.

Again, I questioned my decision to come here at all. I wasn't looking forward to explaining my foray into the world of extreme sports in an attempt to hear Edward's voice. Maybe I would skim over that part…

The house was, like all things from my human life, similar and different in equal parts. It was the way I remembered, but I had a new appreciation for the architecture.

Pain gripped the place where my heart had been as we entered, and it was Victoria's turn to squeeze _my_ hand. How many hours had I spent listening to a hundred different genres of music in Edward's room, or patiently allowing Alice to play dress-up with me in this very house? Hadn't my life taken a dramatic turn for the worse because of what had transpired in this very living room on my eighteenth birthday?

We followed the Cullens to that room now and sat down on Esme's pale grey, suede sofa. Edward was sitting in an armchair very close to me. There was an awkward pause after we were all seated, where it seemed that no one knew how to begin.

I cleared my throat. "So… I guess you must have questions?" I said to everyone and no one in particular.

"Why can't I see you?" Alice blurted.

Carlisle looked as though he were repressing a smile and Edward rolled his eyes.

"Probably because I'm a shield," I said simply. "Other vampire's gifts don't work against me."

Alice's mouth formed a perfect 'o' of understanding and Carlisle looked as though he had just solved a particularly difficult puzzle.

"Of course," he said, his brow creasing. "That's why your powers started manifesting while you were still human. Remarkable."

"Your eyes are gold," Jasper observed. Alice was sitting on his left with her legs draped across his, and she nodded fervently, as though she too had made this observation and was curious about the answer. "Both of you…"

I nodded, not sure what to say. I wasn't certain that I wanted to admit how profound their presence had been on my mortal or vampire life. I leaned into Victoria in the smallest degree, my shoulder touching hers and she seemed to know exactly what I needed.

"Bella is a good influence on me," she said, smiling fondly and snaking an arm around my shoulder. "She can't stand to see anything suffer, and I...Well, this diet makes moving through the world a little easier."

"So you've never had human blood?" Carlisle asked. "Or was this a later development?" He was in full doctor mode now, and I could tell he was cataloging this conversation away to examine and process at a later date.

I wrinkled my nose at the thought of killing someone. I still had human parents, alive and well for all I knew… "Nope, never," I responded. "Human blood just doesn't…"I trailed off, casting around to find the right words. "It doesn't appeal, I guess."

"Never?" Jasper asked skeptically. "Not even as a newborn?"

"Well, it- it smelled _good_, I guess," I stammered. "But I've always been able to, ah, compartmentalize the thirst."

"I thought she was crazy," Victoria supplied. "After she woke up she wouldn't hunt with me, so I had to take her to find an elk."

We shared a fond smile at the memory, just as the Cullen's all exchanged astonished looks.

"You changed her," Alice spoke now, frowning at Tori. "Why?"

Victoria's eyebrows shot up, and Edward's eyes fixed furiously my maker. I knew with wretched certainty that he was reading her thoughts. I shifted, wanting to shield her from his line of sight, but knowing it would be ineffective.

"Well," she began sibilantly. "I wasn't going to, at first. I wanted to kill her, to get revenge for James and Laurent-" Edward hissed beside me at this, his body moving to the edge of his seat, tight with coiled tension.

"_Edward_," Carlisle snapped. It was the sharpest I'd ever heard his voice, and it was heavy with censure. "Victoria is a _guest_," he stressed. "If you can't treat her with hospitality then maybe you should leave the room."

Edward glared at his father, who stared pointedly back at him. They were obviously having a silent conversation. After several seconds, Edward's shoulders slumped and he flung himself back in the armchair.

"Forgive me," he said through gritted teeth. "Please, continue."

"I was going to kill her," Tori repeated, frowning, "but...I don't know, really. I guess I thought, since you all," her eyes narrowed on Edward, "_left_ _her_ so unprotected, that your connection to her was superficial. You didn't want to make her like us, and I thought turning her would punish you more."

Now it was Alice's turn to hiss. Even Esme fixed Victoria with a disapproving look.

"Of course I'm glad, now, that I did." Her hand squeezed my forearm affectionately. "We're closer than any sisters." Her eyes lingered on Alice and then Rosalie as she said this, who both looked uncomfortable.

"Well," Carlisle coughed, shifting in his seat. "We're all very grateful that you- that _things_ worked out the way they have. We've always considered Bella a daughter," he said, kissing the back of Esme's hand. "And we're glad to see her well."

Victoria snorted when he described me as a "daughter," and while I remained still, I had to agree with her sentiment.

"Something you want to say, red?" Emmett suddenly demanded.

Victoria stared at him fiercely, sitting rigidly straight on the sofa. "A great many things, yes," she sneered.

"Tori," I cautioned, but she spoke over my protestations.

"You lot are _unbelievable_," she spat, her fury at the Cullens finally boiling over. "You treated her like- like a _pet_ while she was human, and abandoned her when you grew tired of her. I followed her for _months_ before striking. I saw how depressed, how _broken_, she was. I saw the werewolves find her, hypothermic in the woods after _you_," she snarled at Edward, "left her there. I saw her jump off of a _cliff_! I pulled her out of the water, and where were _you_? Where the hell were _any_ of you while this was happening?!"

We all sat, stunned, at the end of her outburst. Some of this was even news to me. I hadn't been aware that she'd seen Sam Uley find me in the woods…

"Oh, Bella," Alice breathed, her eyes sadder then I'd ever seen. I was sure if she'd been able, she would be crying now. "I'm so sorry. I didn't _know_."

I was more uncomfortable then I could ever remember. The Cullens all looked stricken, even Rosalie. I didn't want their pity. I couldn't stand it. Forget giving her a present, I was going to kick Victoria's ass when we left.

"It was a long time ago," I finally said, but my treacherous voice broke. "Don't even think of it."

"Bella," Carlisle said, "please, you must know- You must know that we've always loved you. Always considered you a part of this family. We were devastated when we thought you were dead."

Unbidden, my eyes flicked to Edward, who looked horrified and guilt-stricken. It was the final straw. I was on my feet before my brain had time to catch up to what I was doing. "Thank you," I said, pretending to smooth my dress. "That's very kind of you, I'm sure."

"Don't go," Esme begged, she too had risen. "Please Bella, we just found you again."

"Thank you for the hospitality," I said over the buzzing in my ears. "We can't possibly keep you any longer."

"Bella, please!" Alice screamed shrilly, and everyone froze at the volume and desperation in her voice. "Please," she said again, her voice quieter but no less anguished. "Can- can we just talk? Just us? I can't stand the thought of losing you again. Please?"

Edward was watching us with bated breath, and I wished that I were the mind reader. Did he sense my heartbreak, even now? Was he only looking to clear his own conscience?

I bit my lip, torn in my indecision. I had to admit that speaking to Alice, _alone_, had some appeal, but I didn't want to leave Victoria by herself with an angry coven of vampires.

"Victoria will be quite safe," Carlisle said, sensing my hesitation. "Maybe she would like to see Esme's rose garden?"

I caught Victoria's eye and she nodded. "It'll be fine," she murmured. "Go ahead."

I followed Alice into the yard, watching Victoria trail after Esme around the side of the house. The wind picked up, blowing Tori's hair behind her like a river of fire blazing behind her in the air.

This seemed like the worst of bad ideas. And still...


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three**

Bella

I followed Alice to the river at the edge of their property and we leaped over it in a single bound. She laughed delightedly when I landed on the balls of my feet a half-second after her, the white dress billowing around me.

"I just can't get over it," she smiled, by way of explanation. "You're a _vampire_. Wow."

"No more clumsy Bella," I agreed.

The grass was warm and pillow-soft against my perpetually bare feet. I forewent shoes whenever I could reasonably get away with it. They were cumbersome and superfluous and _unnecessary_. Nothing short of fire or molten lava could injure the soles of my bare feet now, and so I didn't wear shoes unless I knew I would be associating with humans. Even then.

Alice, by contrast, was wearing stilettos. Her love of all things style hadn't changed, and she paired the impractical shoes with a backless tailored dress I had seen in an issue of Vogue that Victoria had been perusing on the airplane from Crete.

"Well, at least immortality has improved your fashion sense," Alice grinned, taking in the gauzy dress. "A little bohemian for my tastes, of course, but it works on you."

I snorted, a delicate sound. "This was Victoria's influence. She thought I should say goodbye to my ghosts in _style_."

Alice's face took on a serious moue. "Is that why you're in Forks?" she asked. "Saying goodbye?"

I looked away, my eyes scanning the treeline, suddenly unable to make eye contact with the girl who'd I'd hoped would be my sister once upon a time.

"Something like that," I agreed. "Why are _you_ here? I didn't expect to run into you guys…"

"Carlisle was called in to perform a complicated surgery, and we all tagged along. I didn't think Edward would come, honestly, but it looks like it worked out."

Against my will, my head jerked back towards her when she said Edward's name, and a faint smile played around the corner of her mouth.

"Right," I said, swallowing the lump forming in my throat. "His conscience is clear now. He doesn't have to feel guilty about my death or- or anything else."

"Is _that_ what you think? That he feels guilty? Good God, Bella!"

"Doesn't he?" I challenged. "I know I would if our positions were reversed."

The buzzing sound had returned, my ears full of swarming bees, making me feel light-headed. The urge to flee, to put as much distance between myself and Alice and the Cullens, was stronger than ever.

"NO," she said vehemently. "I mean, yes, but that's only part of it. Listen," she beseeched me, for I had started to turn away again, unable to bear her pity or false platitudes. "Carlisle was telling the truth. We all love you, we all consider you part of our family. Edward most of all."

I snorted again, less delicately than before. I was glad now, that I wasn't able to break down and cry in front of Alice. That was a memory I desperately didn't want Edward to see in her thoughts. As it was, my resolve was rice-paper thin. Ready to tear with the force of a gentle breeze.

"I seriously doubt that, Alice," I muttered after a beat.

"Bella, we left because Edward made us, but we shouldn't have. I see that now. I knew it even then…"

"And yet, you did," I spat, unable to contain my vitriol any longer. The desperation, unbearable loneliness, and frustration lingering from my last months as a human came spilling forth, untempered by my usually excellent self-control. "_You. Left. Me_. Edward didn't love me, fine. But you, I thought we were friends, _sisters_ even, and you left. You didn't even have the decency to tell me to my face!"

"You're right, Bella!" she cried, her face twisted in grief. "I shouldn't have left. I should have done so many things differently!"

"Save it," I snapped, crossing my arms across my chest. "You can't take it back! Not now, not after all this time!"

"I know that Bella, I know I can't undo it. But please, let me at least try. Let us all show you how much we love you, how much we want you in our lives."

I assessed her. Her eyes were round and her beautiful, elven face was crumpled in agony. She certainly _seemed_ repentant. I sighed. I didn't have the energy to hate Alice, of all people.

"You hurt me," I finally said, deflating as the anger left me and gave way to pain. "And I haven't been quite right since. Not as a human, not as a vampire, just…"

I let myself trail off, unwilling to bear more of my soul for Edward to pick from her mind and dissect later. I was already on very unsteady ground with the Cullens, it felt like. I rubbed the hollow ache in my chest, the one that twinged and burned and ached intermittently since I was a human girl, left in the forest by the love of my life.

"I'm sorry," she said, looking equally deflated. "I know it doesn't erase what I did, but I want you to know. We're all sorry. I know I shouldn't speak for him, but Edward has so many regrets- oh!" she paused, her eyes going in and out of focus. "He's coming to talk to you."

Panic gripped my still heart. I was hanging onto my composure by a thread, as it was. If Edward tried to apologize to me now, if I saw the pity on his handsome face, I would disintegrate. I couldn't handle being the pathetic ex-girlfriend he felt responsible for. I would run until the solar system collapsed, run until the humans finally destroyed the earth in a nuclear apocalypse, in an effort to avoid that particular humiliation.

"I need to go," I said urgently, my mask slipping.

I could feel my shield sliding away, unable to keep it in place any longer.

"You still love him," Alice breathed, her amber eyes sparkling in the glow of the late afternoon sun.

I didn't need the ability to read minds to know that hers was about to go down a very dangerous path.

"I need to leave," I repeated. "Now."

"I think you should at least listen to him," she urged. "If you still love him, Bella-"

"Stop," I begged, gripping my sternum. The pain was spreading, my chest contracted tightly. "It hardly matters how I feel."

"Pfft," Alice scoffed. "You can't possibly believe that. Edward has been a shell for the last decade, and a total pain in the ass. I think after finding you alive in the woods, it _only_ matters how you feel."

"I'm sorry that he's been guilt-ridden for a decade, truly," I said, my eyes darting towards the house. "I would have found you sooner if I thought that were the case, but- I just can't do this, Alice."

"He doesn't want to talk because he feels guilty!" she said, exasperated.

I shook my head. I couldn't allow the lie, however well-intentioned it was, to take root. I may never be whole again, but I had accepted that Edward Cullen didn't love me, didn't want me, a long time ago. In the distance, I could see him moving towards us. The sun was hovering near the horizon, dusk imminent, and Edward-fucking-Cullen was strolling towards me at human-pace. His hands were stuffed in the pockets of his slacks and his ridiculously attractive face was grave, focused solely on me.

I couldn't do it. I _wouldn't_.

I muttered a quick apology, told Alice to give her family my regards, and I ran for it.

Edward

I paced the living room and ground my teeth.

Alice had taken Bella across the river and out of range, so I wouldn't be able to read her thoughts and "evesdrop." Rose stared at me after they left, her expression unfathomable. She hadn't liked human Bella, and I had to begrudgingly admit she'd had some practical reasons not to condone our relationship; not the least of which was attracting the attention of the Volturi.

"What?" I finally snapped.

She was still standing in the same position she'd assumed during the awkward reunion with Bella, propped up against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest. Emmett had left as soon as Alice and Bella were out of sight, his thoughts whirling with disbelief and images of me, tortured and moody, over the last decade.

"Are you going to make this right?" she finally asked with a stony expression.

I reached into her mind, unsure exactly what she was asking. Images of Bella, alone and damaged, after I left her. Bella leaping from the cliff. Bella befriending Victoria to stave off the worst of the loneliness in those first years of her immortal life.

She didn't stop with the imaginings of Bella, however. Memories flooded her thoughts as well. A whispered conversation between Carlisle and Esme about my well-being after they had dragged me away from Volterra, surfaced. My terrible temper being taken out on her Porsche when she suggested that I was better off with any _complications_. Her concern for the infrastructure of our family, and finally, the half-formed idea that she could be getting another sister very soon... _If_ I didn't cock this up.

"I'm going to try," I muttered, deflated.

Her face softened.

"Good," she said after a pregnant pause. "Edward, I need to apologize to you, and eventually to Bella. I know I was unpleasant about your relationship, _before_, and I can't help but feel partially responsible for the way things played out. I let my insecurities steer my judgment, and I'm sorry. You need to know that I only want you to be happy. Both of you."

As a telepath, I wasn't usually stunned by members of my family, but Rose's confession was an exception to this rule. "Thanks, Rose," I murmured. "I know I haven't exactly been the best brother these last years, either."

She nodded, her beautiful face thoughtful.

"Can I give you some unsolicited advice?" she asked.

"I suppose I can't stop you," I said dryly.

"Be honest with her," she said flatly. "Tell her _everything_. Tell her that even _you_ are capable of gross errors of judgment. Tell her you can't go on like this, that none of us can. Even if she won't take you back, and I truly hope she makes you work for it, you owe her the truth. She's your mate. Don't let her get away again, and don't fuck it up."

My eyebrows shot up at the sound of a swear coming from Rose. We were both raised in a time where foul language was not repeated in the presence of a lady, and to hear it from Rose was another shock to my system.

She rolled her eyes at my obvious astonishment and flipped her golden hair over her shoulder as she sashayed towards the garage.

'_Don't fuck it up.'_

I walked to the long row of windows looking out over the sloping swell of emerald grass, which cut off sharply and dipped to a small ravine. I couldn't see them, but I knew my sister and Bella had jumped the river and were speaking on the other side.

If I could sleep, I would think Bella Swan's abrupt reentry into my life was some sort of distorted dream. A cruel trick of my subconscious, allowing me to believe the impossible, if only for a short time. Bella, alive. Bella, one of us. It was a miracle, and I expressly did _not_ believe in miracles. I never thought I'd be grateful to Victoria, even if part of me still detested her.

I wasn't going to go to our meadow today. I wasn't going to come to Forks either, but the Aston Martin had been in storage for ten years, and Alice refused to drive it to Ithica without telling me why. Even if Bella's gift protected her from Alice's visions, my sister had somehow _known_ that I would need to be here.

I saw her enter our meadow just seconds after I arrived. I thought she was a hallucination; the ghost of love lost. She was so beautiful. More beautiful than I remembered, even, if it were possible. She was the exact image of a vision Alice had had ten years prior, which I had seen courtesy of my own gift, through her thoughts.

Bella wore a white dress, the skirt trailing behind her and catching the long stalks of crabgrass. Her feet were bare, and her skin glowed, phosphorescent, in the lemon-colored spring sunshine. Her eyes were gold.

She took a painful sounding breath, closed her eyes, and drifted into the center of the clearing. I stepped forward, pulled towards her against my will, and my shoe snapped a branch. Bella's ghost went rigidly still, her eyes popping open, fixing on me. She looked shocked, stricken even, to see me, which was strange for a hallucination.

There was a moment where we stared at one another, neither of us daring to move. She blinked, once, twice, three times, and she was gone, flying back into the woods.

I couldn't let her get away again. I sped out of the house, slowing only when she and Alice were in my line of sight. They were arguing, I could tell by their body posture. Bella was clutching her chest as though she was in physical pain, and I thought for a brief second to get Carlisle. What was hurting her?

Her eyes went wide when she saw me, and I saw her lips move, urgently saying something to my sister. She chanced one more glance at me, a tortured expression on her perfect face. Bella spun where she stood, and sprinted away at vampire speed, her brown hair whipping behind her as she fled.


	4. Chapter 4

Authors Notes: Many thanks to everyone who has followed, favorited, and most of all, reviewed this story. your feedback means everything.

**Chapter** **Four**

"_Thanks for leaving me in the fucking rose garden" _

**Bella**

I was sure I'd never run so fast. I knew it was childish to run at all, but my instinct for self-preservation was stronger than any scruples I had about being impolite. When I was almost back to the hotel, I knew I was alone. I'm not sure if I lost him or if he fell back, deciding he didn't need to apologize that badly, after all.

I withdrew the key, a thin plastic card, from the pocket of my dress and threw myself in the room. My trip to the past had reopened more wounds than it had healed. I was supposed to say _goodbye_ to the memory of Edward, make _peace_ with what had happened, _mend_ the gaping wound where my heart no longer beat.

Nothing was as it should be.

If I were still human, I was sure I'd be having a panic attack. I paced the floor restlessly, prowling from one end of the room to the other in long strides. I wanted to break something, but couldn't draw the attention of the humans. Damn Victoria and her bright ideas.

I needed a bath. The hem of the white dress hadn't fared very well in the jaunt back to Port Angeles, so I shucked it off and threw it haphazardly across the room. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. There was a leaf in my hair and my golden eyes were round and I looked almost feral but still beautiful.

I turned the tap as hot as it could go and lowered myself into the tub. Steam rose in swirling clouds when my cold skin came in contact with the scalding water. I wished I could sleep. I wished I could cry. I wished I could fall into Edward's arms just one last time.

* * *

**Edward**

She was fast. Perhaps not as fast as I am, but close. She would have easily outrun any other member of my family.

Bella spun away from me and sprinted into the forest, her white gown streaking behind her. I wanted to laugh, I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream with frustration. I coiled, ready to spring after her, but Alice put a small hand on my chest.

"Edward," she warned. "We need to talk before you go after her-"

But I'd had enough. Rosalie had already gotten her two cents in and I was pretty sure I would be receiving a lecture from Carlisle later on. And I couldn't let her get away. Not again. _Never_ again.

I shook Alice off and sprinted into the woods after Bella, but the momentary distraction was enough for her to gather the speed necessary to outrun me. I followed her scent, the same flowery, clean fragrance I remember from human Bella, but without the throat searing addition of her blood, all the way to Port Angeles.

There was a new silver BMW 5series where her scent and that of another vampire, _Victoria_, was overwhelmingly strong. It was parked in the lot of a small waterfront hotel, which was really a series of cottages that overlooked the harbor. Her scent left a path, salient and rich, to one of the small cabins. I thought about knocking, breaking down the door even, but I tapped into my reserve of self-restraint. Being high-handed with Bella would almost certainly be counterproductive, and work against my goals rather than for them.

Instead of pounding on the door and demanding that she give us another chance, I stalked towards the water. The sun was a semicircle, a golden orb hovering on the edge of the horizon and casting a streak of orange sunlight on the water. I began to regret my hasty decision to follow her and not at least confer with my sister first. In my urgency to chase her down, I'd left my phone at home, so now I couldn't even call.

Frustrated by my own lack of foresight, I picked up a stone and threw it towards the horizon. It skipped several times before sinking beneath the waves. Dropping down onto the sand, I started thinking about the reasons Bella might have run. There were so many variables, and her mind proved to be as silent in her immortal life as it had when she was human.

Victoria's mind, by contrast, was not silent _or_ subtle. I had seen flickers of Bella in her mind, while she sat in our living room, and I shuddered at the memory. When I left Bella, the most painful thing I've done in over a hundred years, I was banking on her inferior human emotions to help her move on with her life. Seeing my Bella, through the thoughts of Victoria, during the last months of her mortal life swiftly disillusioned me of that notion.

It was painful enough to relive what I thought had been her suicide in my sister's mind, but seeing my sweet Bella, broken and despondent because of what _I'd_ done, leading up to her leaping off a cliff, was a different thing altogether.

I leafed through those thoughts now and felt shame and self-loathing wash over me and crash down and around my feet. I saw Bella, too thin, her hair stringy and her skin sallow, getting in her truck to go to school. I saw her toss and turn in her single bed, screaming my name in her sleep. I saw her stand at the top of the cliff at First Beach, her toes flush with the ledge, as she stared at the water below. Although it had been windy that day, the water too rough for a human to attempt that type of jump, I heard her perfectly though Victoria's vampire-hearing.

'_You won't stay with me any other way. I love you, Edward.' _

White hot pain tore through me, turning my heart to ash.

_I love you too, Bella_. My head dropped into my hands. I left her, after saying terrible things to get her to let me go. '_Bella, I don't want you."_ The words I'd spoken to her that horrible day in the woods ricocheted through me now, slicing through my conscience like shrapnel. It had been the very blackest of blasphemy.

I thought, at the time, that I was doing the right thing. Naively, I thought my absence would give her the opportunities being with me could not. Kissing someone who couldn't crush her if his self-control slipped. Having children, going gray… These were all things Rosalie pined for, and I knew that she resented becoming a vampire. I had wanted to give Bella what I thought she would miss if she became like me. The things that Rosalie so desperately missed about her own humanity.

But Bella wasn't Rose. I had made a horrifying error in judgment. Rose hadn't been given a choice to become immortal. Carlisle had made the decision for her, which I knew he deeply regretted. Bella had asked me to change her a dozen times, and all with perfect knowledge of what she was asking for, and I had denied her. Allowing her to remain human after introducing her to a world of monsters, my world, had been a fatal mistake. And Bella had paid the ultimate price.

I turned to look at the cottage where my Bella was clearly staying. Perhaps it would be kinder to let her go now. She had every reason to hate me, after all, and I had no reason to hope she could forgive me for abandoning her. I shook my head. I didn't have the strength to leave her twice. My self-sacrificing _did_ have boundaries, and I was flirting with them.

I smelled her before I saw her, and I was on my feet in an instant, spinning to meet Victoria. She was standing atop a man-made rock wall, separating the beach from the small strip of grass that ran the length of the cottages. She scoffed at my defensive posture, and stepped down, landing gracefully in the sand.

"Please. There's no need for _that_," she said archly. "I'm hardly going to attack you in a public place."

I could see in her thoughts that she was being honest. She regarded me with a shuttered expression, her dislike clear even if I couldn't read her mind. I swallowed the venom that pooled in my mouth at her initial presence. She and Bella were obviously very close, and no matter what our history had been, I knew I couldn't afford to be rude.

"You're right," I said in my most courteous voice. "Pardon my manners. You surprised me."

Victoria gave me a look that obviously suggested she saw through my facade.

"The Pixie said she ran as soon as she saw you coming," Victoria said conversationally. "Why do you think that is, I wonder?"

I frowned. We all called Alice 'Pixie', to her chagrin, but I didn't like the sound of it on Victoria's lips. Her thoughts were smug. She enjoyed my discomfort on several levels. She was still angry about James and simultaneously concerned about Bella. Victoria's glee at my unease was almost palpable. '_What a prick,'_ she thought. '_I'll never understand why Bella carries a torch for this emo asshole…'_

_Carries a torch?_ If my heart could beat, it would have sputtered and stopped.

"Maybe you could shed some light," I suggested, taking her measure.

"She still cries, you know," she said after a beat. "As much as our kind can, anyway. I'm not saying I get _why,_ you understand," she muttered more to herself than to me. "Why did you follow her? I can't believe it's out of guilt alone, although knowing Bella the way I do, I'm certain that's what _she's_ thinking."

My eyebrows shot up in astonishment. Victoria was being surprisingly frank. I could have easily seen the truth in her mind, of course, but to hear it on her lips was an unexpected surprise. I had a decision to make; I could evade her question or be equally forthcoming. Deciding I had nothing to lose, I settled on the latter.

"She's my mate," I choked out, and I could feel the tenuous control I had over my emotions slip before I could grab the reins once more. "I love her."

Victoria was staring at me with a piercing look.

"I'll talk to her for you," she said after several seconds of silence. "But I swear on James' memory, if you cause any further damage to my sister, there won't be a place on this earth you can hide from me. I'm not killing you on sight because I love her, but if you hurt her again, I'll rip you to pieces and send your severed head to your family in a hatbox."

_Jesus_.

"I understand," I said solemnly. "Thank you."

"Pfft," she snorted and stalked off towards the cabin.

I watched her go, feeling hope and trepidation rise up inside of me in matching components. Allowing Victoria to speak with my Bella on my behalf seemed like the very worst of bad ideas, and yet.

* * *

**Bella**

I was still soaking when Tori came in, slamming the door shut behind her.

"Thanks for leaving me in the fucking rose garden," she spat, clearly irritated.

She walked into the bathroom without knocking and hoisted herself up to sit on the counter. The water had gone cold sometime ago, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It still felt warm against my stone smooth skin.

"Sorry," I muttered. "I had to get out of there, though."

"Yeah," she rolled her eyes. "The psychic told me as much. You didn't want to talk to him, I take it?"

I slid down into the bathwater, letting my face submerge before coming back up.

"No," I drew the word out. "There are some humiliations I can't face; and Edward Cullen apologizing for breaking my heart is one of them."

"Was that why he wanted to talk?"

Victoria was smirking in a way that I knew she was up to something, but I couldn't decipher what.

"Alice said it wasn't, but I'm not sure she's very objective where he's involved. They've always been close."

"What else did the little freak have to say on the subject?" she asked, now examining her eyebrows in the mirror.

I frowned.

"Don't call her that," I said reproachfully. "She said he has 'regrets,'" I punctuated the words with air quotes.

"Regrets," Victoria snorted. "I'm sure he does. Not the least of which is letting you get away."

My frown deepened, and I realized she was watching my reaction in the mirror.

"Oh, come on!" she huffed. "Are you telling me you couldn't see the way you were affecting him?" She laughed out loud, but not with any true mirth.

"Yeah," I muttered, remembering his reaction in the forest. "I'm sure the guilt of my 'suicide' had been eating him alive. Now he can move on with a clean conscience."

"Oh God, Bella," Victoria rolled her eyes. "You don't really think he was feeling guilt. Not just guilt, at least," she added.

I fixed her with a quelling look.

"What aren't you saying?" I asked with not a little irritation. I had already had a version of this conversation with Alice, and I was beginning to feel emotionally exhausted.

"Listen," Tori said. "I don't have a horse in this race, and I don't know what the Pixie told you, but I'll tell you what _I_ saw, okay?"

I nodded, although I felt very skeptical.

"I saw a vampire who found his mate after believing she was dead for ten years. I saw a man in love. God knows I don't like the man, Bells. But his connection to you was as strong as I remember. He hurt you, and if you want, I'll gladly help you kill him-"

I scowled at her and she laughed, hopping down from the counter.

"-but," she pressed on, "I know how you feel, and I think he does too. And I think you owe it to yourself."

"Ugh," I exclaimed. "I hate it when you're wise."

Victoria laughed.

"So you're saying I should at least hear him out," I surmised.

"Yeah," she laughed. "I guess I am. I can't believe I'm actually advocating for that prick. You should probably put some clothes on, though. He's outside."

"What?!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter** **five**

"_I've always felt the same," I said, searching his eyes. "You just didn't believe."_

**Bella**

I changed my clothes- twice, before agreeing to leave the relative safety of our room. Distressed ankle-length jeans and an emerald green tank top that Tori knotted above the button of my pants.

"Trust me," she said when I wrinkled my nose. "You look _hot_."

My hair hung in loose waves, which caught a breeze when I finally opened the door and made my way to the water. The piercing pain beneath my breastbone contracted tightly when he came into view. He had been skipping stones on the surf, with far too much skill for a human. The last one he threw skimmed the surface of the water fifteen times before losing its' momentum and sinking.

Edward turned, his hair rippling in the sea air, as I dropped feather-light onto the sand. He stuffed his hands in his pockets again, appraising me. I realized that I'd never seen him look nervous before.

"Hey," I said, somewhat lamely. After all, what did you say to the star-crossed love of your life upon remeeting them ten years after the fact?

He seemed to take a fortifying breath. He must feel truly and completely terrible about all of this, I surmised. I recalled that he had been a dab hand at self-recrimination when we dated, a skill I was certain he had only sharpened in the aftermath of our failed relationship and my 'suicide.'

"Bella," he swallowed, his eyes raking over me as if to assess that I was, in fact, not a mirage. "You ran from me."

Whatever I had been expecting him to say, this wasn't it. I opened my mouth and closed it, sucking my lower lip into my teeth and squeezing it sharply.

"I didn't mean to frighten you," he went on. "I just want to talk. I think there are things to say…"

"You didn't frighten me, Edward," I said, finding my voice.

"Oh." A crease formed between his brows. "Good. I mean, I'm glad," he clarified. "I just want to understand."

I nodded.

"Running into you and- your _family_ was, just, so unexpected, I guess," I stammered. "I didn't think I'd see you there."

He frowned, and I was instantly and painfully reminded of the Edward I'd known as a human teenager. He'd worn that same look dozens of times over the course of our brief relationship, usually when I asked him to change me… _Think_ _about_ _that_ _later_, I urged myself. I couldn't break down, not now.

"You went to our meadow," he observed, his frown fading, his eyes curious. "May I ask why?"

The pang in my chest spasmed, making it difficult to remain upright. I had hoped there would be more small talk before he asked questions I didn't want to answer.

"Why were _you_ there?" I asked, the thought only just occurring to me. It seemed a strange thing to do out of guilt…

To my surprise, Edward laughed out a sharp barking sound. His hands flew to his hair, tugging at the roots. "You haven't changed at all," he informed me with a wry smile.

"Sorry to disappoint," I muttered, not bothering to stop the scorn from coloring my voice.

His frown returned. Why was he here? Was it to ruin me all over again? My eyes darted to the water, gauging how far and fast I could swim- if I could use the harbor as an escape route.

"No," he said, looking at me intently. "That's not what I meant. Bella, I-"

"I accept your apology, Edward," I cut in, unable to bear his impending regrets. "Alice led me to believe you've been feeling..._guilty_, and you don't need to. I'm alive, sort of," I laughed humorlessly, "and you don't need to torture yourself with guilt and regret. For anything, alright?"

He stared at me for several seconds. His bronze hair caught the breeze again and his scent washed over me. Through me. I wished the beach would open up and swallow me whole. This was unbearable. The gaping wound in my chest had been torn open and was pulsing with agonizing, white-hot pain.

"No," he scowled. "It's not 'alright.' Jesus, Bella, do you really think that's why I went to our meadow? That guilt is why I followed you here?"

I looked at him. Hope soared inside of me for a fraction of a second before I could stop it.

"Isn't it?" I asked. "You obviously thought I committed suicide, Edward. I mean, even if I didn't-" I swallowed, "love someone, I would feel terrible if I thought they killed themselves because of me."

"Is that what you think?" he asked lowly, taking a step towards me. "That I don't love you? That I'm acting purely out of guilt, Bella?"

I didn't answer him, not trusting myself to speak without betraying how I felt and making a fool of myself. He took another step forward, entering my personal space. He was close enough to reach out and touch. Close enough to kiss.

"Allow me to disabuse you of that notion, once and for all," he said seriously, looming over me. "The last time we spoke, Bella, was the second-worst day of my existence. I need to tell you now, before you get away again, that I lied to you. After Jasper attacked you, I thought that I couldn't keep you safe and remain in your life at the same time.

I convinced myself that your human emotions would help you forget me, so I was-" he paused, his face a study in pain, "_cruel_. I said terrible things to get you to let me go. It was the very blackest sort of blasphemy, Bella. I loved you then and I love you still. When I thought you were dead, whether from your jump or from Victoria who was waiting in the water for you- Alice saw both, I went mad. I even tried to provoke the Volturi, and Carlisle had to drag me away."

"Edward!" I gasped. "How could you do that to your family?!"

He looked down at me, his eyes blazing, the black pupils eclipsing his gold irises.

"I didn't want to live in a world where you don't exist, Bella. You're my mate."

At these words, to my mortification, my control disintegrated. My face contorted in pain and I turned away from Edward, sobbing tearlessly into my hands.

"Bella," he moaned miserably, his fingertips dusting my shoulder. A current of electric energy pooled where he touched me. "I can't tell you how sorry I am. How I've spent every day of the last ten years thinking of you. Of how you looked and smelled, and how I failed you completely. Even Carlisle is growing tired of my moping…"

I swung between extreme feelings. The grief of the past ten years and the joy of Edward's declaration swept through me. And then another set of emotions, resentment, and anger, uncoiled in the pit of my stomach. How dare he be miserable?! He did this, to _both_ of us! Pulling myself together, I turned to face him with flashing eyes. His hand dropped to his side.

"You left me in the woods," I accused with a level voice.

"I did," he agreed miserably. "I made so many mistakes with you-"

"Shh!" I threw up a hand between us, palm outward. "It's my turn to talk."

He nodded, eyes appraising me, but saying nothing.

"You told me you didn't want me," I hissed. "You apologized for _leading me on! _You made me believe you were off to find _other_ _distractions_!"

"I swear I didn't," he interjected urgently. "There's only ever been you, Bella. I just said what I had to get you to let me go-"

"_Shut_ _up_," I snapped. "It's. My. Fucking. _Turn_!"

The use of profanity stunned him silent, his eyes going wide with surprise. I'd never sworn in front of him when I was human.

"You lied to me," I snarled. "But worse than that; you made a unilateral decision about me, about _my_ welfare, without discussing it with me first, and you exploited my insecurities to do it, too. You promised me that it would be as though you'd never existed, but that was just another _lie_! I was barely alive after you left. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't listen to music. You fucking _ruined_ me, Edward!"

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he whispered. "You're right to be angry. What I said, what I _did_, it was unforgivable. You have to know though, that it ruined me too. It was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I hurt you and left you unprotected and alone. I left my family because I couldn't stand to be around mated pairs. I can't even say how much I regret it, Bella. I'll leave and never bother you again if it's what you want-"

**SLAP!**

My hand struck out of its' own volition, slapping him across the face so hard that his head snapped violently to his right.

Slowly, his fingertips came to touch the spot I'd struck, and his shocked eyes met mine. Neither of us moved for a long moment.

"Don't ever talk about leaving me again," I snarled through gritted teeth. "You don't get to take the easy way out again."

To my astonishment, the corner of his mouth twitched to a barely-there smile.

"I won't," he breathed. "I'll never leave your side again if you'll allow it."

I went on as though he hadn't spoken, but his words sent a thrill through me in spite of myself. "You're going to put in the hard work this time. Not run when you get scared. Not make decisions on my behalf, leaving me broken-hearted and half dead."

"I promise," he vowed, his face so full of hope that it was all I could do not to yank his head to me and crush his lips with my own. "Does this mean that you'll give me, _us_, another chance?"

"I'm still angry with you, but I think so," I sighed. "_If_ we move slowly. I feel like I'm supposed to say 'no,' somehow drag it out...But we're inevitable, aren't we? You're my mate, is there any sense in fighting it?"

Edward's smile widened. "Mate," he tested the word. "You feel the same."

"I've always felt the same," I said, searching his eyes. "You just didn't believe."

"I'm sorry," he said, his smile fading. "I thought I knew better. I thought that you, an eighteen-year-old girl, couldn't possibly feel the mate-bond."

I nodded. I _did_ understand. A vampire's bond with their mate was intense and irreversible. If I hadn't experienced it myself, I might have trouble believing that it could manifest between one of our kind and a teenaged human.

"There's a lot to talk about still," I said, my eyes flicking to where the sun had just dipped below the waterline of the horizon. "Yesterday I wasn't sure when or even _if_ I would ever see you again. I don't want to rush into anything. I need to be able to trust you, Edward."

"Of course," he agreed eagerly. "Let me prove it to you. I want nothing more than for you to trust me. Your faith in me is everything. I love you, Bella."

I shattered.

How many times had I picked those very words out of my human memories and replayed them? Especially when Victoria and I had spent time with other mated vampires, and the loneliness in the wake of those visits had caused me actual physical pain.

I inched minutely towards him, our eyes connecting. The tension was palpable. His eyes were dark with lust, his strong jaw set as he looked determinedly down at me. He was still so beautiful. More than I'd ever known as a human girl. Two things happened in quick succession; unconsciously, I wetted my lips, and Edward responded with a low growl.

I don't know which one of us moved first, but out lips met in a clash of teeth and tongues. It was heaven, it was hell. It was everything I remembered of him, enhanced by my vampiric senses and unfettered by Edward's lack of restraint. We were physical equals now. The precautions he'd taken when I was a human girl were no longer applicable.

He grabbed me, pulling me in roughly, as though he couldn't quite get enough. One hand squeezed my hip, while the other cradled the back of my skull, fisting in my hair. I gasped at the way he slanted his mouth over mine, giving him access to my mouth in a new way. We'd never kissed with tongue before.

My arms snaked around his torso and he groaned when I crushed my body into his, the vibration of sound sending a jolt of desire through me. _Holy_ _hell_. The hand tangled in my hair tightened, the exquisite sensation of pleasure/pain drawing a low moan from my throat. This kiss was unlike any of the kisses I remember sharing with Edward before. It occurred to me now, as an immortal, how much he'd needed to restrain himself when I was human.

His mouth wasn't content on my lips, however. With a sharp tug, he yanked my hair at the roots, exposing the column of my throat to his hot, open-mouthed kisses. We were the same temperature now, I thought dimly. His mouth was warmer than the rest of him, as he sucked the delicate skin of my neck between his tongue and teeth. The feeling of his sharp teeth scraping the juncture of my neck and shoulder sent me into a free fall of desire.

"Edward," I moaned breathlessly.

"God, Bella," he responded into my throat.

"Oh good!" a high pitched voice exclaimed. "You're getting along!"

We broke apart abruptly, startled by Alice's presence.

"Christ, Alice," Edward scolded. If I were human I would have turned bright red when he tried to covertly adjust himself under his slacks.

"They're taking bets, you know, back at the house," she informed us. "You just made me several thousand dollars richer, thank you very much."

Edward rolled his eyes and scoffed. "I know. I'm sure Emmett will be sorely disappointed to see my head still attached."

At my confused look, Alice laughed.

"Emmett thought you might resort to violence," she explained with a smug grin. "Hand Sir Sunshine his own ass, is, I believe, what he suggested might happen."

"Oh!" I exclaimed, my hand covering my mouth.

"Well, he was half right," Edward muttered, palming his cheek where I'd struck him.

I shuffled guiltily, and he waved a hand in the universal 'don't worry about it' gesture.

"I suppose I deserved it," he stated.

"You did," said Alice, smartly. "And then some."

"Oh, Edward," I moaned, unable to believe that I'd actually hit him in anger. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"No," he cut in. "No. Please, don't apologize. I had it coming, and worse."

He grasped my hand and kissed the back of it, much the way I had seen the other members of his family express affection with their own mates, and my still heart leaped.

"You two are going to be adorable together," Alice beamed. "Oh!" she said, as though only just remembering something. "I brought the car. Esme and Carlisle would love to have you and Victoria over if you'll come. We would all love to hear what you've been up to for the last ten years."

I chanced a glance at Edward. He was looking at Alice, no doubt reading the memory of this conversation in her thoughts.

"We'd love to have you, Bella," Edward said after a long moment.

"Mmm, I don't know," I said, looking in the direction of the cottages. I wasn't sure I was ready to face the rest of the Cullens after all that had happened earlier that very day. There was also the matter of Tori…"I would need to talk about it with Victoria…"

"She'll say yes!" Alice declared, brightly. "I'll go talk to her!"

I opened my mouth to object, but Alice was already sprinting across the sand in her ridiculously high heels.

"Alice," I sighed, grinning fondly at her retreating form.

"She's a force to be reckoned with once she decides she wants something," Edward agreed. "Would you-" he cleared his throat. "In the interest of starting _slowly_," he drew the word out. "I was hoping you'd allow me to take you on a date."

"A date?" I asked, surprised. "What do vampires even do on dates?"

"You haven't…" he trailed off, but the implication of what he was asking was clear. Had I seen anyone since we'd been together? And I hadn't, not really, but that wasn't to say that no one had shown interest.

I thought of Garrett, who we'd met five years prior. I'd liked him. If I had never met, and lost, my mate, I might have been willing to give it a shot. He'd been disappointed but had put on a brave face.

"Not exactly," I hedged. Something flickered in Edward's eyes but passed.

I recalled his jealous streak and fought a smile. He needn't feel threatened, certainly not by any of the vampires I'd met. Anyway, for all I knew, there had been a slew of women after me. The thought of Edward with anyone else chased the smile from my face.

"Lots of things," he said after a beat. "Let me work out the details?"

I nodded, the smile returning.

"Yes, you do that," I said primly, and Edward laughed.

In the distance, I saw Alice returning, arm in arm with Victoria. Wonders, truly, never ceased. This all might work out, after all.


End file.
